©Jeanne E. Webster

1.  Put on clean underwear before you leave the house in case you’re in an accident.

(Why clean underwear?  Were they going to check my underwear if I’m in an accident?)

2.  Don’t put your tongue on any frozen metal pipes.

(Not heeded.  Tongue stuck but not for long.  Debunked that theory.)

3.  Don’t pester hornet’s nests.

(Yep!  I messed with a yellow jacket’s nest and went “Ow, ow, ow, ow” all the way home!  They got underneath my clothes– clean ones at that.)

4.  Girls do not beat up boys.

(Why not?  They had it coming.  They were always troublemakers.)

5.  Act like a lady.

(Why?  I didn’t like dresses, hats, dress shoes, skirts, petticoats—who wanted to be a lady anyway?)

6.  Eat your onions (or stuffing, parsnips, rutabagas or broccoli); they’re good for you.  

(We had the healthiest dogs in the world!   Under the table they scooted at mealtimes to chow down all the yucky stuff our little fingers could gather.)

7.  No lipstick, makeup, nylons or shaved legs til you’re 16.  If you wear these things, you’ll look like a hussy. 

(So… after I’m 16, I’ll look like a hussy?  I’d seen hussies but they didn’t look all decked out like that.)

8.  No dating til you’re 16.

(I was too busy playing football, wrestling, and fixing cars with boys.)

9.  Stay away from the railroad trestle. 

(Never listened to this.  My paper route went from the eastside of town to the south side, with a big river in-between.  This meant I had to go all the way downtown, cross the bridge, then head south from my eastside deliveries–or walk the trestle.  It was the way to go!  It saved 20 minutes off my time.)

10.  If someone thought enough of you to send a card or present, you should think enough of them to send a thank-you card.

(A good one, well learned.  Seems like we have lost that courtesy a long time ago.)

If you only knew, Mom!