A Mother’s Story

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© 2013 Jeanne E Webster.    All rights reserved

They arrived shortly after breakfast, during the respite between chores and my second cup of coffee. What a pair! Bright eyes bejeweled each precious face; a whisper of animation radiated from each creased smile. Was this a true aura, emanating from the remnants of the prominent role they had played in their owner‘s life?   I believe it was.  They had returned among the living after a seven-year closet hiatus, bearing memories and blessings to share with everyone.  That might not seem long to you, but it was forever to a grieving family.

You see, after Mother had passed on to a finer, gentler locale, the two dolls had callously become shrouded in a shock-and-woe blanket. Over the ensuing years, an innocuous event ripped through the family fabric, tearing its fragile foundation to shreds.

It all began when Father realized he was quite ill at ease living alone.  His children could not provide what his lonely spirit craved:  companionship.  He ached for the closeness of another human heart, someone who could love him deeply with a caring spirit. This desire eventually found succor in the love of a delightful woman.  Remarriage showered his world with peace and joy, slowly releasing grief’s icy grip on his heart.

Family and friends visited often, except for his two daughters. The presence of a stepmother had driven a wedge between them.   The daughters rumored about that the new mother was throwing out everything their mother had held dear.  Withholding their affections and contact with Dad was their way of saying, “We do not like this woman living in our mother’s house and sharing your life.”  They stood resolutely in this position…for four long years.

The new mother tried to tiptoe around their feelings, disturbing none of their mother’s possessions that remained in the back bedroom, now looked upon as the inner sanctum.  She had entered it early on in the marriage and redistributed an assortment of cookbooks that gathered dust in the closet. Some books stayed, some donated to the public library, all with Dad’s oversight and permission.  Inevitably, the one cookbook that meant the whole world to the daughters turned up missing. This innocent deed completely severed the final scrap of a relationship left between Dad and daughters. The vagrant book was found later but the damage had been done.

Three years later, the new mother felt a stir within her spirit to dispel the sacredness of the bedroom, hoping to bring the light of day back into it.  Lying low in the dimness of past days, it had gathered dust, spiders and mites.  Braving the certainty of creepy-crawlies skittering up her back, she opened the door . . . and entered. Nothing happened! The walls did not come crashing down, the ceiling remained intact, and the room actually beckoned to her, “Come on in, dear one.”

Peering through the dim early morning light, new mother’s eyes rested on a doll cradle nestled on the floor near Mother’s vanity. “How precious,” she thought.  Stepping closer for further inspection, she spied a life-like doll staring back at her.  It was then “Oh my!” escaped from her lips as another cradle, embracing another doll, suddenly appeared in view.

“I think these babies need to get some fresh air and see the light of day,” and with that, she bore them tenderly out of storage and into the living room. Settling them in strategic spots, she stood back and admired these priceless little babes.

You see, dear reader, these were special dolls to Mother and, after her own children had left home, they helped ease her loneliness. She had chosen them from a doll shop, opting for hair and skin colors to match her girls.  She’d glance over at them as she worked in the bedroom or passed by in the hallway, smiling at them as if they were real, for the time being. Somehow, I believe they too felt they were real.

After their special reappearance in the household, things seemed to go better for Father and the new mother.  Family members warmed up to Dad’s new wife and found out she wasn’t really a conniving old woman after all. Sure, she would never replace their mother, but they knew she brought joy and love back into their dad’s life.

I wonder if the presence of these two little ones somehow triggered forgotten, happy memories within the heart of this family, enabling them to accept the change that had been brought upon them.  I would like to think so.

{Based on a true life situation}

Happy Mother’s Day, 2013

Once Upon a Mom

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© Jeanne E Webster.   All rights reserved

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“Mom….

Your hair is soft and pretty.”

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“Mom…..

You make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

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“Mom….

You tell good bedtime stories.”

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“Mom….

You give nice ‘good night’ hugs.”

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“Mom….

Your kisses make my boo-boos get all better.”

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“Mom….

I like to hold your hand.”

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“Mom….

How come you’re sick?”

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“Mom….

I hate to see you cry.”

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“Mom….

Why do you have to go away?”

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“Mom….

Does it hurt bad?”

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“Mom….

How far away is heaven?”

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“Mom….

Why can’t I go with you?”

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“Mom….

I don’t want you to go!”

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“Mom….

Why can’t Jesus come here to see you?”

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“Mom….

I’ll be a big girl for you.”

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“Mom….

I won’t cry very long.”

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“Mom….

Can I have one more hug and kiss?”

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“Mom….

I love you.”

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“Mom….

———-?”

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“Mom….

———-!“

Birthday Touches

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© Jeanne E Webster

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Today is my mother’s birthday.  She would have been 95 years old.  She went to her eternal home 18 years ago, there to be welcomed by our Lord Jesus Christ.

I’ve missed her…still do.

I talk to her…

I sense her presence…

I know she is smiling a lot, now that she is at peace.

She had a good upbringing, an upright family, lacked for nothing as a child,

‘cept maybe a close relationship with her father.

Her mother was loving, expressed it so acutely, was an angel in disguise.  Gramma was my guardian angel, I know that beyond a doubt.  She watches over me to this day.  I know.

Mom went to art school with high aspirations, excelled in oil painting and sketching.  Her choice to marry and set aside her creative talents ended a life both well-adjusted and tranquil.  For most of her married life she was a victim, easy prey for another victim, an alcoholic husband.  She bore six children, lost others early in pregnancy, and worked odd jobs to help out during times of extremes.  And there were many.

Mom was purely a giver, to the end of her days.  She was worn out from giving–of her time, her love, her means of living, and her patience.  I always resented her giving so much of herself… I thought she allowed folks to take advantage of her, which she did.  She lost her self-respect.   I have finally come to terms with that, as I realize now that she wanted to give, it was her choice to out give herself, which resulted in her giving out, physically and mentally.

For years I held it against her and looked upon her with disdain, as being of a weak spirit.   I know my conception of her affected my outlook on life and my relationships; I determined to never be weak like her. Never!  I would never allow myself to be beaten up, smashed around, and lied to, forsaken, treated like a dirt bag.  I carried that stigma for years, infecting relationships with tons of “never gonna be treated like Ma,” which needless to say,  self-destructed my marriages.   Anyway…

“Happy Birthday, Mom!  Miss you, as always.  Give Gramma a hug for me, say hi to Gramps.  I’m doing ok now; I guess it’s about time, huh?   Eh? Yeah, I’ve mellowed out some more.  I don’t scare off as many people now anyway.  Yes, Jesus is here to stay!  Praise the Lord!

How did you like that family reunion we had last month!  Woo hoo!  All your kids got together, first time in over 30 years.  We even recognized each other.  We acted like you weren’t there, but you were.  We knew you were smiling.  And you weren’t tired anymore—it was the happiest smile I ever saw you smile.   That’s what heaven does for a person.  Anyway, your children are fine and growing old like you did.  We’ll see you one of these days and take off these earthen mantles—and put on those heavenly robes.   

I love you, Ma.  You did your best.  Hugs.”

Amen.