I Brought a Monster Home


©Jeanne E. Webster


On a fateful day in the month of May,

I was browsing in a store,

When my eyes beheld a sleek silver machine

Setting on a box on the floor.


With good intentions and very high hopes

Of hours saved from work,

I bought that machine, a canister-type,

From the bold and brassy clerk.


She told me it would clean furniture

And drapes, and floors, and rugs,

Pick up pet hair, dirt, and sand

Watermelon seeds and…bugs.


I brought it home and set about

To super-clean the rooms.

Look out dirt and dust and…bugs,

Here comes Super-broom!


My troubles began when I turned it on;

It roared and lurched and moaned;

It snorted and sucked here and there;

It was the darnest thing I ever owned!


It made a bee-line for the dangling drapes

Hanging an inch off the floor,

Gulped an earring lost a few days ago,

Then hungered for more and more.


I wrestled with it from room to room

Getting tangled up with the hose;

It coiled up my ankle like a boa constrictor

While the end of it went for my toes.


At last I decided I’d had quite enough

And unplugged it from the juice.

The roaring, snorting, and moaning stopped.

Whew!  I finally reached a truce.


My last task for the day was to empty out

The innards of this machine;

My earring, a dime, and a button

From the dust and dirt I did glean.


I quickly packed up that dastardly thing;

Back into its box it went.

I buried it up in the attic closet

Alongside that dastardly tent.


I might retrieve it again someday;

I don’t really know for sure.

Sometimes it’s best to stick to older things,

And not mess with the sleeker and newer.


[written on a day when all was well, until…]

3 comments on “I Brought a Monster Home

  1. Dicky says:

    Dear Jeanne,

    I really enjoyed reading this post. Very interesting indeed.


Comments are closed.