© Jeanne E Webster
Today is my mother’s birthday. She would have been 95 years old. She went to her eternal home 18 years ago, there to be welcomed by our Lord Jesus Christ.
I’ve missed her…still do.
I talk to her…
I sense her presence…
I know she is smiling a lot, now that she is at peace.
She had a good upbringing, an upright family, lacked for nothing as a child,
‘cept maybe a close relationship with her father.
Her mother was loving, expressed it so acutely, was an angel in disguise. Gramma was my guardian angel, I know that beyond a doubt. She watches over me to this day. I know.
Mom went to art school with high aspirations, excelled in oil painting and sketching. Her choice to marry and set aside her creative talents ended a life both well-adjusted and tranquil. For most of her married life she was a victim, easy prey for another victim, an alcoholic husband. She bore six children, lost others early in pregnancy, and worked odd jobs to help out during times of extremes. And there were many.
Mom was purely a giver, to the end of her days. She was worn out from giving–of her time, her love, her means of living, and her patience. I always resented her giving so much of herself… I thought she allowed folks to take advantage of her, which she did. She lost her self-respect. I have finally come to terms with that, as I realize now that she wanted to give, it was her choice to out give herself, which resulted in her giving out, physically and mentally.
For years I held it against her and looked upon her with disdain, as being of a weak spirit. I know my conception of her affected my outlook on life and my relationships; I determined to never be weak like her. Never! I would never allow myself to be beaten up, smashed around, and lied to, forsaken, treated like a dirt bag. I carried that stigma for years, infecting relationships with tons of “never gonna be treated like Ma,” which needless to say, self-destructed my marriages. Anyway…
“Happy Birthday, Mom! Miss you, as always. Give Gramma a hug for me, say hi to Gramps. I’m doing ok now; I guess it’s about time, huh? Eh? Yeah, I’ve mellowed out some more. I don’t scare off as many people now anyway. Yes, Jesus is here to stay! Praise the Lord!
How did you like that family reunion we had last month! Woo hoo! All your kids got together, first time in over 30 years. We even recognized each other. We acted like you weren’t there, but you were. We knew you were smiling. And you weren’t tired anymore—it was the happiest smile I ever saw you smile. That’s what heaven does for a person. Anyway, your children are fine and growing old like you did. We’ll see you one of these days and take off these earthen mantles—and put on those heavenly robes.
I love you, Ma. You did your best. Hugs.”