Women Who Have Been Abused

I’ve carried this article around with me for years, and it never fails to pick me up after a fall or slump.  The words Veronica wrote here touch abused women to the very core…and enable healing to begin.  Read it, feel it, make it part of your wardrobe…and please pass it on to other women who need the hope of a better life.  Thank you! 


After a while…you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand

and chaining a soul

and you learn…

that love doesn’t mean leaning

and company doesn’t always mean security.


And you begin to learn

that kisses aren’t contracts

and presents aren’t promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up high and your eyes ahead

with the grace of a woman

not the grief of a child

and you learn…

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.


After a while you learn…

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting

for someone to bring you flowers.


And you learn…

that you really can endure

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn…

and you learn…

with every goodbye, you learn.

~by Veronica A. Shoffstall


[This is a repeat of an earlier post.  It was found in an old Dear Abby column.   I believe it warrants reposting now and again for abused women everywhere who need advice.]

13 comments on “Women Who Have Been Abused

  1. Mad Mildred says:

    Reblogged this on ASK MAD MILDRED and commented:
    Women who have been abused…

  2. Hi Jeanne; What a great article and lots of good comments.. Blessings sister… Bro Pat. 🙂

    • You are such an encourager, young man! I try to put things out there that will up women who are trying to get back up and start again. It’s hard, really hard. Blessings.

  3. SPTP2011 says:

    thank you for sharing this great article -LOVE IT!
    God Bless

    • Prayers for abused women everywhere. Also, this article can apply now-a-days to abused men also. The stats are astounding; another sign of the times?

      People: Do not abuse anyone. Abuse hurts, not just the body but the soul. Abuse affects the lives of the abused and ripples out to others throughout their lives. It’s poison; DO NOT SHARE OR SPREAD!

  4. Lyn Leahz says:

    I’ve been there. I can relate. You stay in it because you feel you are worthless and can get no better. Also, there is something inside of you that wants to fix it. You believe somehow it’s your fault, and you can fix it and make the person love you. If you just walk out, then you believe you will leave feelnig as if you were never good enough, never able to win the person’s love. They say they’re sorry, in your heart, you know they’re not..but as long as there is peace, you let it go…until it happens again. You feel stuck. You don’t have enough funds to leave, and you feel there is no way out. You can’t stand the thought of them finding someone else because you fear they will give to that person the one thing you wanted all along, but never were given–love and acceptance. Little do you know, during this cycle, that they will do the same thing to the next person. Sure, they will have that season of newness and euphoria, just like they did with you..but that will only last for a short time, just like it did with you, before the next person is stuck, trapped in the same thing. It’s very painful to love someone, and realize they never loved you to begin with, and to be verbally, physically, emotionally, and mentally abused…and to be told constantly it is your fault. “If you were just this way..I wouldn’t be so angry.” “If you weren’t like this, I wouldn’t be this angry.” And so you change and change for that person, even sacrificing who you are, but you’re never good never enough.

  5. […] Women Who Have Been Abused.  I read this post by Jeanne, and I have to tell you that it grieves me that a woman, any woman, has ever had to feel this way, or write such a thing, because of a man.  It grieves me that a man, any man, would or could stoop to treating a woman this way, and in truth I don’t think a man could.  Boys can and do treat women like this, but men, real men, know that women are a gift from God, a help mate, and a companion, and that they were made to love and to love in return.  If you’re a male understand your God designed role is that of sacrifice.  You are to give your life in sacrifice for the benefit of others, not to live in and unto yourself.  If you’re a woman know that God designed you to be that most rare and beautiful of all things created, a bearer of life, and a giver of love.  You’re not an object, so don’t let anyone treat you as if you are, and don’t act like or pretend to be one because you’ll never find true fulfillment in your life if you do.  Know and understand that God loves you, and I don’t believe He expects you to stay in an abusive relationship where you’re life is threatened and in danger.  Love yourself enough to expect the best that God has for you, and don’t settle for any less.

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